August 11, 2025, 8:51 am | Read time: 4 minutes

Not a Sign of Disobedience

“Dogs learn in a person-specific way. They know exactly who is currently the point of contact—who is holding the leash or has the treats in their pocket,” explains the Berlin dog trainer. This is not a sign of disobedience, but rather an expression of their high social intelligence. Marioth, therefore, recommends taking it with humor. “In my behavior therapy sessions, I am sometimes more of a couples therapist than a dog trainer,” she says with a wink. Because, especially with couples who have a dog, interesting dynamics develop—and the dog observes them closely.

Dogs Recognize Differences Between Caregivers

Dogs can indeed distinguish who allows what. Marioth cites the couch rule as an example: “With the woman, I can get on it, with the man, I can’t—and when both are there, I’ll see who wins.” In such moments, not only does the animal closely observe what happens, but the partners also watch each other.

This phenomenon becomes particularly noticeable outside: Often, one partner is more involved, attends dog school, reads specialized literature, or regularly practices with the animal. The dog is very aware of this role and primarily aligns with this person. When the second partner joins, a subtle “teaching mission” often arises—suddenly there is correction, commentary, discussion. “This creates tension, and the dog notices it immediately,” Marioth explains. Therefore, she sets clear rules in training: “Whoever holds the leash is my point of contact. The other observes—but does not interfere.”

Joint Training–Yes or No?

Whether couples should come to training together is something Marioth does not see dogmatically. What is most important is that someone takes responsibility. “There are certainly situations where one partner says, ‘That’s your dog, I just want it to behave’—and that must be respected too.”

However, if both partners want to work with the dog, it is useful to make transitions clear to the animal. This could look like the new leash holder briefly addressing the dog, using a word like “work,” and giving a few treats to set the mood. “This signals to the dog: A new phase is beginning—and a different person is in charge.” The key is: Don’t argue over the dog, but work together to find a good solution.

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Do the Same Rules Have to Apply Everywhere for the Dog?

Not necessarily, says Marioth—because dogs can learn contextually. Those who occasionally leave their dog with grandparents might know this: There, the dog gets a piece of liverwurst sandwich at breakfast—but not at home. The dog asks nicely at the next breakfast, gets a no—and accepts it. “He has learned: It’s different at Grandma’s. And that’s perfectly fine.” This flexibility is typical for dogs and not a training issue. “We also see this with service dogs—they respond exclusively to their caregiver, no matter who else tries to give them commands.”

What to Do if Your Dog Misbehaves Around Your Partner?

If the dog doesn’t listen well to one partner, Marioth advises not to judge hastily, but to first have a conversation. “Maybe the other doesn’t want to train, but just wants to play. That’s okay too.” It is important to clearly define roles and act as a team. Because the more relaxed the interaction, the more relaxed the dog.