June 19, 2025, 9:21 am | Read time: 6 minutes

Many dog owners hope to prevent potential behavioral issues by maintaining control over their dogs. However, the opposite is often true. Dog trainer Katharina Marioth explains how to learn to control your dog less and trust them more.

The Case: Nala the Dog

Nala is a one-year-old Labradoodle–fluffy, sensitive, charming. Her owner, Julia, adores her. Perhaps too much. Out of her deep concern about doing something wrong or exposing her dog to danger, a controlling dynamic has developed. 

Nala is constantly on a long leash, not allowed to interact with other dogs, distracted at every stimulus, and her behavior is constantly corrected. Initially, this was due to fear of losing control–later, because the very behavior they wanted to avoid became more pronounced. 

Nala pulls on the leash, barks at other dogs, gets startled by rustling leaves, and is hardly able to relax at home. She seems tense, overwhelmed–and simultaneously in a constant state of anticipation. Julia is exhausted, emotionally drained. She seeks help from me–hoping “that the dog finally learns to calm down.” 

Analysis: Control Creates Insecurity in Dogs

In the initial consultation, it quickly becomes clear: Julia means well–but she manages every second. She lives in a state of constant alertness. Every possible danger is anticipated, every stimulus blocked as quickly as possible. What gets lost in the process: Nala’s opportunity to learn for herself, to experience herself, and to develop confidence from within. Nala is not allowed to grow. She does not experience herself as competent–and thus becomes increasingly insecure. Her world becomes smaller, her reactions larger. 

I realize: The key is not in the dog, but in the owner’s behavior. It doesn’t require a new technique or further correction–but an internal turnaround. Together, they begin to take small steps toward freedom–under guidance, but with room for genuine experiences. 

The Turning Point: Trust Instead of Control in Dogs

It begins quite unspectacularly–with a walk without words. I accompany Julia and Nala to a quiet forest area. The leash becomes looser. Eye contact is sought–not forced. Julia learns to observe Nala instead of judging her. She begins to trust her dog again. 

In safe environments, Nala is allowed to run more freely. Julia practices enduring situations without having to intervene immediately. She discovers that calmness does not come from commands, but from demeanor. At home, the approach changes as well: less constant correction, more mindful accompaniment. Rituals are simplified, expectations adjusted.

 

And then the unexpected happens: Nala relaxes. She begins to self-regulate. She sniffs, pauses, looks at her owner–not out of insecurity, but out of connection. Nala sleeps more deeply, barks less, no longer pulls frantically on the leash. These are not miracles, but quiet signs of a new quality of relationship. 

Also interesting: Dog ignoring you? What that says about your relationship

What We Can Learn from This

“Control gives humans a sense of security–often the opposite for dogs. We must learn to let go–but with structure and clarity.” 

This case vividly shows: 

• Less management = more self-efficacy in dogs. 
• Trust is built through consistent, calm leadership–not constant correction. 
• Orientation is not control, but relationship. 
• The emotional world of humans shapes the security of dogs. 

Checklist: How to Recognize You’re Overwhelming Your Dog

• You intervene in every interaction your dog has before he can react on his own. 
• Your dog constantly looks at you, not out of connection–but out of insecurity. 
• You consistently avoid dog interactions, new environments, or unpredictable situations. 
• You feel your dog “can’t do anything alone” or “only functions with you.” 
• Your dog shows noticeably many stress signals (panting, trembling, whining, displacement behavior). 
• Your walks are marked by constant tension and planning. 
• You feel exhausted from constant management–and yet nothing changes. 

5 Exercises for More Decision-Making Confidence in Dogs

1. Let them choose paths at intersections: Offer your dog the chance to decide where to go at intersections or forks. Observe his body language–and consciously follow his choice. 

2. Create sniffing zones: Designate an area on your walk (such as a forest section) where the dog can explore independently–without leash cues or commands. 

3. Let them observe stimuli: Instead of immediately distracting during encounters (joggers, bicycles, dogs), stand at a distance and let the dog watch. Breathe calmly, be present. Security arises from enduring together. 

4. Practice decisions at home: Allow your dog to choose between two resting places, two toys, or two paths in the house–without interference. It strengthens his inner clarity. 

5. Question instead of command: Use open body language and invite your dog (“Would you like to come along?”) instead of directing him. You’ll be surprised how often dogs cooperate when they can, rather than must. 

Body Language Signals: How to Recognize Decision-Making Confidence

• Upright posture: The dog stands relaxed but stable on all four paws, without cowering or ducking. 
• Neutral tail: The tail moves freely, hangs relaxed, or wags slightly, without being stiff or tucked. 
• Self-chosen eye contact: The dog seeks your proximity or gaze, not out of dependency, but because he seeks connection. 
• Exploratory behavior: Sniffing, looking around, independently choosing paths–signs of interest and cognitive freedom. 
• Brief pause before decisions: The dog stops, looks briefly, weighs options–and then makes a choice. This is lived self-efficacy. 

More on the topic

Expert Explains Dog Ignoring You? What That Says About Your Relationship

Educational Foundations Basic Commands Every Dog Should Know

Expert Explains What Does a Dog Psychologist Actually Do?

Between Fear and Trust Lies Freedom

The case of Nala is emblematic of many human-dog teams. Well-intentioned overprotection often leads to the very behavior one wanted to prevent. And sometimes, the path to change is not training, but an inner journey. 

Dog training also means reflecting on one’s own fears. Asking oneself: What do I really want–and what am I projecting onto my dog? Trust is not built through control, but through courage. Through the willingness to be not perfect–but genuine. 

If we want to lead our dogs, we must be willing to meet ourselves. The relationship begins where control ends.