June 11, 2025, 3:56 am | Read time: 5 minutes
There are those dogs that turn everything upside down. They don’t just “go with the flow” but demand a daily routine more organized than a schedule in the Bundestag (the German federal parliament). PETBOOK author and dog trainer Katharina Marioth offers tips on how to manage life with demanding dogs.
Some dogs bark before you’ve even finished a thought and run hyperactively through the house or anxiously sniff out an apocalypse behind every bush. These dogs may be exhausting, but they’re not “poorly trained.” They’re not defective. They’re just a lot. And it’s with these very dogs that I want to speak in this article. More precisely: with their humans. Because while others stroll leisurely with their Labrador through the city park, many of you face entirely different challenges–between guilt, frustration, feeling overwhelmed, and the deep wish that it will someday just get easier. And I promise you: It can get easier.
What Does “Exhausting” Really Mean and What’s Behind It?
“Exhausting” is not an objective term. What is nerve-wracking for one person is everyday life for another. Still, experience shows: There are certain dog personalities that simply require more management, more resilience, and more understanding than others.
A dog can be “exhausting” because it is:
- reactive – meaning it responds to stimuli quickly, intensely, and with little delay.
- fearful or insecure – which often leads to avoidance behavior or displacement activities.
- overexcitable – it finds it hard to calm down and seems perpetually “on edge.”
- lacking frustration tolerance – which can lead to barking, jumping, or pulling.
- struggling to self-regulate – meaning it has difficulty calming down from excitement.
The causes often lie in a mix of genetics, experience, upbringing, environment, and health. Sometimes it’s early trauma, sometimes poor breeding, sometimes simply: too much of a good thing. What’s important is: An “exhausting” dog is not a bad dog–and you’re not a bad person because you’re sometimes overwhelmed with it.
First Aid for the Nerves: Daily Structure, Rest Zones, and Routines
One of the biggest stress amplifiers in everyday life is uncertainty–for both the dog and the human. That’s why structure is often the first step toward relief.
Tip 1: Fixed Daily Structure
Dogs with little inner security benefit enormously from external rituals. Feeding times, walk times, rest periods, play and training windows–the clearer the routine, the less uncertainty arises. This doesn’t mean every day has to be the same–but that there is predictability.
Tip 2: Clear Resting Places
A designated resting spot (ideally not in a passageway) is not a bonus, but a necessity. Some dogs also benefit from visual boundaries (such as a baby gate or screen) to better manage stimuli.
Tip 3: Less Is More
Dogs that lack inner calm benefit greatly from external rituals. Feeding times, walking times, rest periods, play and training sessions–all of this can be too much. Instead: intentionally incorporate breaks, and sometimes consciously do nothing.
Common Everyday Mistakes–and How to Avoid Them
Especially with the best intentions, dog owners often do things that actually exacerbate the problem. Here are a few classics:
- Reassuring words – “It’s just another dog, you don’t need to be afraid.” – sounds nice, but it’s irrelevant to the dog. Clear leadership works better than kind words.
- Too much correction – A dog that is constantly corrected doesn’t learn what to do, only what not to do. This increases frustration and uncertainty.
- Inconsistency – Sometimes pulling is ignored, sometimes it’s scolded loudly. This creates chaos in the dog’s mind.
- Comparing your dog to others – “Her dog is so calm.” – Well, good for her. But your dog is your dog. And it just needs something different.
Tools & Techniques for Difficult Moments
There are techniques that can help in challenging moments. Here are a few:
Impulse Control
Practices like “Stay,” “Look at me,” or controlled waiting before meals help the dog regulate itself. Important: Don’t use these in stressful situations.
De-escalation Signals
Intentionally build relaxation anchors–for example, with a baby gate or visual barrier–to help manage stimuli better.
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Communicating with Others: Family, Neighbors & Co.
One of the biggest stressors for dog owners is often not the dog–but the social environment. Accusations, silly comments, intrusive “advice”–all can make things worse.
Tell your family what you need: support instead of judgment. Briefly and kindly explain to your neighbors why your dog is barking–or put up a sign.
And don’t let outsiders who have zero understanding of your daily life make you feel insecure.
Conclusion: Between the Couch and Coffee
An “exhausting” dog is not a final verdict. It’s a current state. And you have every opportunity to make it work. You need clarity, patience, humor–and maybe one more cup of coffee than others. And if today you feel like your dog is just too much, know that it’s okay to feel that way.
Get help if you need it. Whether it’s a professional trainer or just a friend to talk to, you don’t have to do it alone.